Panning for Mirth

The laughs that I love have moved out of town,
It seems that things have been dragging it down.
The smile I once had, has failed to appear,
The eggshells friends walk on, placated with fear.
For what I had grown has gone in a flash,
My humour, the tumour, malign since the crash.

You're trying so hard to pretend it's all fine,
But it's all turned to vapour, these dreams of mine.
The goals that were posted have now been destroyed.
Put one past me, my defence is devoid.
Now I step back and scrabble in earth,
Keeping me desperate: I can't find the mirth.

This colour inside is greying and ill,
No focus at all, now, should I take the pill?
It was all going so well, in line for success,
Then they dropped the bomb; Stupid! Careless!
So choose new options ones that align,
But I didn't have a back up, for this feckless crime.

You knew where it was going, you were working hard,
But they dodge your gaze for you're no longer the card.
And now it's all blurred - a kaleidoscope of bland.
Your drive is in neutral; seated, not stand.
For the courage you had in being scrutinised,
Is now so fragile; scared, cowers and hides.

When everything you work for is what helps you breathe,
But it's taken in one note, from the unwitting thief.
And then it was smashed; it's broke, it's gone.
How long will this take before you move on?
Now it feels like the love of your life will not return,
For you pile your moon and stars and place them in urn.