Hey wiseguy...!

...Yeah well your momma is so fat, she died whilst having a gastric. Now can we please put an end to all this and just be cordial to each other?

Is your shit perfect?

I did a gig tonight. I did a gig I'm a fan of at XS Malarkey. I was introduced as experimental, which was quite the compliment even though immediately people will be edgy (see it?)  about seeing the special kid, but I don't mind at all starting on the back foot, it's my preferred start. There was laughter, and a lot of silence. I'm not scared of silence; I originally thought I was a while back, but that was just tinnitus pain dressed as silence - that's thankfully not been a problem of late. I'm also okay with dying, as in really dying; so dying on stage isn't an issue when you've been around the stench of death so frequently.

Thank you comedy displacement.

The energy between crying and laughing is so fine that does it make any odds to how you exit that tense knot welling inside? I guess that's why I love hysteria so much - such a borderline emotion, and quite the ride. 

I know I've flippantly discussed death before and my reasoning for not fearing it, but really, now really, do you seriously think you're going to be spending much time worrying about life in death? No because you won't be able to  - and you think I'm the morbid one?

Why did Nick Griffin banish his goth son? Cos he liked wearing all blacks. 

I've been on stage 3 times in a week, it's been the only time I haven't felt ACTUAL pain, emotional pain doesn't even figure. It's been an odd relief to get that high. Thank god for comedy in these difficult times.  

That's my analysis over. My last solo stand up gig of the year is next Tuesday. Then I'm going to have a break, get well, write more, and launch into the physical wonderment of 'Sheeebeast Vs The Masked McGee' for several slots before Christmas and into the New Year. I can only try and polish one turd at a time.

Heard the one about Gillian McKeith's split from her rapper boyfriend? He dumped her cos she wouldn't quit analysing his shit.

It's a good job when you don't take yourself seriously. 

Adios Beads x

Free spirits for all!

Hello, so things have moved forward haven't they? Apparently my mum said I have a fan, so I'd best give an update into how the bifkinpie is stewing. It smells of warm Autumn dumplings that are essentially damp and musty in texture. But, aren't we all this time of year?

I've been working hard on secret things that aren't that secret, but everyone loves an enigma. Like Tom Jones' wife. I'll just say I've made some wonderful new friends over the past year and for that I am very thankful. I've had some amazing experiences, and I've loved going to work. I've also stopped drinking for a 90 day stint, and day 51 is going great, thanks for your concern.

Things are moving forward the way I like within my work and study and personally. It's ace. I have noticed that my awkwardness and sporadic shyness has lessened since I took my headphones off; which as a muso and radio broadcaster - for the best part of half of my life - has been a good habit to break. Why didn't I see it earlier? Clown.

Anyway, to a reality. I've always felt a little bit in the lurch with regards to physics, naturally I'm going to shift the blame here to an appalling teacher and my "I don't understand that" (shut down) stance. Another example, the people who decide that they can't catch, will never catch (incidentally learning to catch takes around 20 minutes to get, 'can't' catchers).

I researched schooling in West Yorkshire today. I found a progressive school. They apply their studies in a practical, physical way, because that's relevant, right? It's actually more likely that ADHD is a permanent state, but one we refuse to acknowledge en masse as it doesn't align with big societies control.

My appalling GCSE physics teacher would slink off for very long skives leaving us to fill in worksheets, unable to apply a method to a reality many lose interest due to a lack of involvement and understanding - me for one! Naturally, being a dick, I cocked about with my good friend Bec and the nice big boys; seeing how many goggles we could get on our heads in the quickest time before he returned, cutting the word 'poo' out of a paper towel and laying it on the projector for illuminated hilarity was a failure, but seeing how many metre rulers you could retrieve from the front of the room in a stiff legged fashion scored a record of 8. Those were the days.

The physical world of which we were once so attached is now becoming so removed from our lives a LOL contains as much sincerity as a full-stop. People are burying their faces in computer games and computer life and computer dating and computer work and computer language and computer etiquette. We're fat, we're lazy, we don't 'work out'. We don't work out with each other. We're becoming introspective, 2D and focus on dealing with an unreal reality of online socialising, and in turn are becoming less outwardly social in reality. Tucked away, safe from instinct, unable to act with spontaniety, calculating every movement. We're not built to do this!

How will we be firmly rooted in an autonomous interactive era when a resistance is natural? The answer is, we won't. The resistance is coming. Pomp, pomp pompetty pomp. The regression to Utopia will always override Dystopian leanings, because we're instilled with faith and together we are nails.

And what will we learn from faciabook? Probably not an awful lot. Other than we can have an infinite persona, that we did look better when we were younger without realising, and the friends we need the most will always be there. Predictably.

Depending on your level of interaction, the facebook soap opera of bullshit may as well be the same as drinking stagnant pond water. Oh boy. That tastes bland. So switch off your 2D and come and play in the 5D.

Good luck Quantum Foragers and balls to social networking. Get me on an email letter sometime. Or just send me your beams.