- There's a bear over there.
- Where?
- There, over there! With dark brown hair; a dancing bear!
- Where are you looking?!
- THERE!
- Where?
- There! THERE! Oh my god, are you blind?
- I can't see where you mean.
- Oh for fucks sake....
(Exit)
That poem, Ladies and Gentlemen, was titled 'The Bear, Who Wasn't There, With The Dark Brown Hair'.
Well firstly, hello! How have you been?
I hope November was amazing. My November was absolute bricks; a mixture of everything. Seriously everything. Name it, it was in it.
- Had a car accident.
- Managing to climb - with stealth - over a 6ft fence (risked ripped gibs and a broken leg).
- Got drilled by a hefty dose of rejection.
- Did business I can't talk about. But it was a bit serious.
- Got hit 7 times.
This was most unsettling as I haven't been hit by anyone since I revolted against my mother at the age of 15. She was in a stage of slippering me. I was raised in the Victorian era.
In short, I could deffo have been a plain clothes detective who slippers criminals into submission.
And I've been questioning so much. It's been exhilarating and intense but also contained my shittest week of the year. I'm not being dramatic. It was. See prior.
Firstly, social networking. I've detached from it for the month of November. I called it #nosocialnetworknovember with the pluckiness of an ecstatic wasp. Needless to say it took off and became somewhat of a phenomena - and has raised 15 bazillion pounds for the charity 'Clogs for Cancer'.
Let's first acknowledge that we connect with social networking in different way. I predominantly use Twitter for news, but sometimes as a toy.
Facebook is a more private affair. I don't have too many friends on there. I like it that way.
So the findings.
It's strange. I genuinely had withdrawal from Twitter. I wasn't having the quivers or owt, just consciously thinking and searching for a Twitter vox; A balloon of thought which is pumped full of guff. It faded after 5 days. By then, I'd streamlined my flow, focused elsewhere and retrained my brain. Some people are better at focus than me. Certainly some people on Twitter seem to be stupidly high functioning...they tweet an awful lot - to the point of making me consider calling Social Services; Are they able to juggle kids, careers, all the while maintaining sanity...(?)
Facebook - not arsed. Good for close mates, but too hefty on the old 'your my favourite waste of time'. For me anyway. I also noticed an increase in phone calls received during the social opt out. I even got an actual posted letter. I'm playing hard to get and they bloody love it.
Talking of bollocks (we were) I've been having a play with divination this month. I can read Tarot Cards quite well now. I have had a look at runes, followed astrological transitions, AND been open to the guidance of a psychic...
I can confirm after initial head-fuckery I'm beginning to understand it a bit, and must maintain the importance of *for entertainment purposes only* in approaching enchantments.
What I understand about divination is currently marked under 'X'. Oh and the understanding I alluded to actually doesn't exist.
To hark back to the now infamous 'The Bear, Who Wasn't There, With The Dark Brown Hair' poem, I met the bear. The psychic told me about the bear.
I met the bear. I liked the bear. I stroked the Bear.
It didn't quite work out how she had confidently said: "This (example of ultimate destiny) will happen...",
Psychic badness. Dangerous practice! Don't define life in absolutes, you wench. Don't plant seeds of finity.
But there were specifics in the Bears description that floored me and contributed to said head-fuckery when I appeared to meet him a week after the reading.
She was clearly a witch - I'm going to burn her for messing with my shit.
As I wasn't able to vomit into Twitter at irregular intervals, I made notes about this month. I'm going to attempt to fill you in what was achieved whilst not being so fixated on the ether:
- Discoveries. I'm looking into applying for a pyrotechnics license. As in setting stuff on fire in staged areas. I'd like to reenact a the burning of a witch.
- I've been thinking about death - in a good way................................
- A dog stared at me for half an hour. From a window. With a knife. Just eyes on me for half an hour whilst I waited for a bus that never came. It would have been creepy but for his ridiculous jaw jut.
- My favourite moment of the month goes to a small child of indeterminate gender...well done small child.
This kid buzzed.
Myself and my friend '
Mr Stevie Shitcad', had opted to go yomping in Crystal Palace. He likes the dinosaurs.
Whilst eyeing up the factoids, a child of around six starts reeling off the most amazing dinosaur knowledge I've ever witnessed. Admittedly I don't hang around with Dinosaur fans over the age of 6, but I was amazed. I thought I'd seen Jesus.
Then we went to see the ducks.
The small child of indeterminate gender approached me and asked if I'd like a piece of bread. No prompt, just bosh. In.
This was Jesus!
I took the piece of bread, and cried at such a heart-warming moment. Possibly also crying for my unserviced womb in a heady mix of duality.
Finally this month has made me realise I don't dream very often at all. That's a bit rubbish.
But I had one dream this month. A crying dream. Wizard!
My ex husband. We had decided to re-marry and on our second wedding day morning I caught him in bed with another woman! I went to slap him and missed. I was annoyed I missed. You'd think in your dreams you'd manage it? This missed-slap annoyed me more than the act of finding my beloved rutting some bronzed blonde student who was dead fit. I woke up annoyed. Nice one.
I've got the subtext of the dream. S'cool.
What have I learnt this month? For one, my ego is still alive.
But the good stuff, empowering stuff. Not the stuff that a bad divinator can plant and dazzle you with. Real stuff. The stuff I don't have to mark under 'X'. The small child. The aliveness I felt when having to scale the fence. Dogs with jaw jut. And thinking about bigger stuff than just balloons.
My social networking world being on pause has been a good cleanse, the amount of other stuff I've learnt, and the engagement in real life I've experienced has felt really involved, grounded and present. I've practised patience, spent time with my bloody good pals. And I've got a new qualification - BSc (Hons) Shitstorm with Possibilities.
Some people think and think and think and think and think and think and think and think and try and decipher and make sense of such things as love, life, religion, and why the way people are and what they do and what can we learn. And why am I away with the fairies, looking at the sky, living in a bubble, not being here, but up there?
Perhaps we shouldn't think so much about thinking too much...think about that one! Try not to rationalise everything, allow the irrational to just exist. Mark it under 'X' and crack on with being here, now, not there.
Because though balloons are good value, in many contexts, they've got nothing to say.
Follow me on Twitter for further proof.
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